...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
