Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
did i just pee glitter
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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