My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
