so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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