It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
