The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
