yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
