if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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