i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
