It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
