20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
