just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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