There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
