i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
