you guys were way drunker than both of me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
