It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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