I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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