she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
