Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
