i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
