I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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