My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
where are my pants?
in the oven.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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