I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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