bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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