no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
