words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
