i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
