does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
