with your own penis?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
