He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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