My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
