We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
