I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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