32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
