Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize