I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
