So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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