she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
