then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
