You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I need to stop coming to work sober
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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