just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
