You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
