did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
