If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this boner is exhausting
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
