ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will be naked everywhere
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
