I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
