I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
