he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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