she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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