Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
