you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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