Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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