haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
