"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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