do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize