Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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