my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The Olympian is in my bed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
