Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
