They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
