R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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