this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
