My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
