i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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