first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
