hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
