Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize